Bonjour, and welcome to my gloat-fest. No really, I’m Fox Murdoch and this is the article they BEGGED me to write, featuring all my exploits along the path to victory. I am your NSW State Champion for 2012, and believe me I’m the best for the job.
How did it all begin? Well the previous night I located all the other competitor’s homes and paid their mothers/fathers/relatives $50 to put ex-lax in their dinners. Alas, it didn’t work! I’d have to win the day with real cunning, a touch of that charming smile, and unfortunately some actual games!
Not to worry. I happen to be a fantastic hand at Viewpoint – did I ever tell you about the time I bested a pirate ship and took all their wenches? Of course not, I’ve only just started my first article! Hah haa, but Viewpoint’ll get you outta some tight spots. Alimony for the kids? I win, you keep ‘em!
The day was like any other. The earth rotated, making it appear that the sun rose. I did too, and chose to skip the shower, intentionally. I find an off-put opponent has trouble holding their cards and their nose at the same time, so mores the winning!
I ventured forth carefully, calming the public transport beast known as a “bus” and arrived in Penrith, at Mega Games, in time for the registration. Even if not, I’m the bestest best friend of the local shop keep, and she told me already she’d slide in me for an extra $100. Not a small fee, but she be a fine crook if e’er there was!
But before we tell ye of the rounds, there was one small spry bright young bonny, who did catch me gaze. A William, a very clever one, who was Actually Reading The Cards before a tournament. This was new to me, actually reading? I always just got in there, had me way with the opponent, and then was the winner! But reading? Such a novel idea, such a rogue concept – surely he’d be one to watch.
Round 1 vs.Christine
Lo and behold, round 1 was against the very shop keep who let me in! Vengeance was mine! What do you mean, “what vengeance?” Of course I owed her some, she nearly might’ve not let me in! We shuffle up and play Viewpoint normal, and the game isn’t hard. I get a lot of bouncy fun type cards, that give you a solid 20 and let you replay your discard spells. And keeping a paw with roughly a hundred million spectacles, I knew she couldn’t have them and I’d be well protected, haha!! I win on 115, blast and double. That’s the first time I’ve finished under 150 EVER.
Game 2 we crack open the Viewpoint Reflections, and it’s a cracker from the start. People seem to be deathly afraid of having their precious Teddy Bears being taken, so when I try and steal some cards off her, Christine instantly drops some bears, and then I spy the useful cards that’re still in her hand – though now I mean mine. Without many ways to interrupt my progress, plus a few million of them “flip two cards for free” cards, I win the game easily and soundly.
So a nice opponent, and well fought but utterly vanquished. I can’t blame her really, there was a lot of prizes to hand out to mere mortal players for things like Kaleidoscope and fortune “Cookies” if you saw into the future and horrible green masks if you turned into a green eyed monster!! You can’t except someone to keep an eye on their game, when there’s the game, the prizes and me to distract you with.
Round 2 vs. William
Blast and double, William! I had no knowledge of my opponent, only that he READ CARDS before the game, and probably during them too! Didn’t he know the best way to play was with the most points, and to simply draw the best cards? Hmph, we’d have to see how he did things.
Game 1 he wins. Ashamed I am, I didn’t know “reading” was a good thing. Or something anyone could do. He helped me read a few of my own cards when I misplayed Blindside and poked him in the eye with me sword. He did manage to beat me with a fantastic amount of points, 135+ or summin’, while I was barely simmering at only 15ish. That’s what happens when you play Shadow, Mirror Image, Mirror Image and he plays STEAL ALL YOUR CARDS. Blast!
Game 2 he wins. Twice ashamed I am, as thanks to some nasty tricky “steal yours and play mine” style cards, he manages to steal all of my point while cranking himself up to 150 points! That’s overkill, you don’t need to go past 100 but by 50 points! Egads, I think me head be swimmin’. For the first time ever, I record a negative points total, gasp! This’d take away from me point lead I had after round 1!
Round 3 vs. Anthony
My opponent this round was a nasty, tricksy character. And forgive this old ego-trippin’ cliché pirate character, but I cannae remember his name nor the games. We both win one a piece, and the games ran like your typical affair. I play cards, he plays cards, we both go for big plays, but mine pans out since I kept cards from the start of the game, completely angled at tipping him over with a perfectly timed and precisely applied REVEAL.
Wait, it comes back to this old scurvy sea-dog, it’s Anthony, one of the game's creators! Bah, the way he was playing you wouldn’t THINK he created the game, ‘sall this pirate’ll say.
So with another win under my belt, I’d have to gulp and cross my hands and pray for a miracle…
AND GET IT! I make Top 4, and it’s a heated session. William is around, but he’s done way too much peacocking, methinks – everyone is instantly wary of him and I know this’ll reflect in the game's plays. There is also Alex, who’s a wry sport and I think he’ll try and be tricky like myself, so definitely two be watched. And another fellow, Shawn, who’s game I didn’t watch but he seemed to be having fun, mostly, so a good member to have in a Top 4 all the game. Er, same.
The game begins, and skipped turns are all handed to William. We really don’t want him amassing all the extra turns and extra plays, that’d be devastating. Though we’re careful enough around each others toes, and I can smell the REVEAL cards just pilin’ up in everyone's hand. I know the score, play it safe until you CAN win. Never “Cookies”, always keep them. Teddy Bears are sacred.
The first big decision of the game came when I got -5 “swap a card” card. I’m no fool, I know it’s a good card but I know, worse, that I have three opponents. If I play it, how long will I keep it for? NEVER, that’s right! So much to my opponents’ “How could you? That’s stupid!” I bin the card for itself immediately, preferring the freebie and the knowledge that it’ll take 2 turns to retrieve, and then play, so it’s quite less of a concern now.
The second big problem came when William was ravaged, Shawn wasn’t really in it, and Alex was being very tricky indeed. He said He didn’t want to win, so who wanted his help? Well nothing says “Watch me” like “No really, don’t watch me” so I accepted his help and was super wary of things.
I had myself a Blindside, and imagined it’d be used on William, but he was so far behind that he couldn’t spring to 200 all that easily. Alex could, however, so I skipped his next turn. That wasn’t it though – about a million REVEALS jumped out! Cancel that. No, I’ll cancel THAT. No, says William, I’ll cancel THAT. No, says I, I’ll cancel THAT! No really, it went quite like that, all true and told and sworn to truth, we even have the video!
After the dust had settled, and everyone had made final decisions, it was decided to leave me to play my card and get it my way. Alex was skipped, Shawn and William added little things to the board, and on my next turn I played another Blindside, bringing my total up to 185. The joke? I had only 5s and 10s in hand, not a single 15 or 20! I relate this to the other guys, laughing as I feel the Championship may be slipping from me fingers.
Alex skips his next turn, and Shawn sticks true to his name and can’t do anything against me. William looks at his options, and plays the card that lets you mess with the top two cards of the deck. One for him, and one for me. My best hope if that they’re both 20, and he doesn’t have a card that’ll stop me. Worse case scenario is that it’s a horrible little 5, or worse, a minus!
The turn passes after MUCH consideration from William, and I draw Scab Duty, aka “draw a card from the bin.” Drat, only 10 points! If I play it, I’d end on 195, pass to Alex and then surely he’d win…
Unless there was a… precious little Teddy Bear in the bin, yes?
Perusing through the discard pile, I find chaff, crape, and finally that timid little teddy, who’s a godsend at only 5 points but a REVEAL instant speed! I howl with laughter and might, slap the delightful little Teddy Bear onto the field and wait, breathless?
“Do I have it?”
My opponents look at each other, their hands, and no one has any response. VICTORY!!!
To celebrate, I took everyone there to the local pub, where I drank too many beers and cut all their heads off. The police were awful nice about it, letting me play Viewpoint to get out of it. I win, easily (I’m the NSW State Champion, don’t ya know?) and now I’ve got me eyes set on the National Championship. State is good, don’t get me wrong, but this ego just ain’t that small-scale, you know? National will suit me fine.
Fox Murdoch, pirate captain.